They Say Owners Grow to Be Like Their Dogs...

When we adopted Toast, I was allowed more say in the decision because, as Ryan jokingly said, "She's going to be your dog and Luke is mine."  I was mildly offended.  Uh, Luke is my baby too!

But that's totally what happened.

Luke watching Ryan do yard work through the window

Toast 2 feet away from me.  Also, look at her ear!!!  It does that about half the time now and it's sooo cute!

Toast is completely attached to me, which is to say she dislikes me less than all other humans, and either through training or through neediness follows me through the house wherever I go and settles down somewhere in eyesight.  Luke will follow me around, too, but only when I'm doing something interesting, or there's food, or when he feels like it.  He's far more likely to settle under Ryan's desk, or stay on the couch in order to be close to Ryan when I leave the room, and he cuddles with Ryan given the slightest chance.  He cuddles with me, too, but only if I'm actively petting him.

So it worked out - we each have our own dog but we both take care of both.  But one thing I've become increasingly aware of, and increasingly amused by, is how much more we have in common with the "other person's dog."

How Toast is Like Ryan

• Ryan's been facing some anxiety challenges the past couple years and Toast is a textbook case for anxiety
• Both are thin, with amazing metabolisms
• They like food, but if something else comes up (say work or the food bowl not being in the right place), it can be ignored
• They're smarter and more prone to using logic to solve problems
• They're the more athletic 2 of the household
• An adjustment period is needed for new things
• Persistence pays off!

How Luke is Like Me

• We're fairly chill but we do get upset when other people (or dogs) are upset
• We're chubby chowhounds (technically Luke is a healthy weight now but he was overweight for quite a while when we lived with a friend who did open feeding)
• We love people, but only while they're paying attention to us
• If not provided alone time, we will eventually seek out solitude (Luke gets tired of being corralled all the time along with Toast and will eventually ignore my summons to lie by himself in his dog bed)
• We're cuddlers
• New things?  My favorite!!!
• Meh - the goal isn't really THAT important...

As I was writing this post, I heard Ryan yelling, "They're stuck on the tree again!"  We let the dogs out on a lead and on the rare occasion that they go all the way to the end and wander in the brambles, they inevitably end up on opposite sides, wrapped once or twice around a bush or tree.

So I headed to the door to rescue my poor, dumb children and I saw the perfect last bullet points for these lists.  Toast was doggedly (tee hee) yanking at the leash, determined to get free of whatever mysterious obstacle was preventing her from returning to the house (like backing up and running - I don't know why but I'm always proud of her for using her little brain to try to solve problems), while Luke had given up and was more or less contentedly laying down and awaiting rescue.

But anyway, I think it all kind of makes sense.  Luke and I have more of a calming influence in the household, so we attract the ones who aren't already calm and in return we get lots and lots of attention.  And sometimes treats.  Because, you know, we're food motivated.

Are you and your dogs alike?  Or, like us, is it more opposites attract?

House Training - a Toasty Posty

I apologize, but something about Toast makes me baby-talk and babble in the worst possible cutesy manner.  This didn't happen with Luke, but his name doesn't rhyme as well, and he also wasn't quite as young or as helpless.

Anyway, when we adopted Toast, the DHA assured us that she was house trained, and I wasn't thinking about the fact that 8 months old is really only 2/3 of a year, far from full grown (1 year is adolescence and they don't really settle down until 1.5 or 2).  Toast didn't seem very puppy-like with her extreme fear and shyness of humans, and the first several weeks were unmarked by accidents (in part because she was too afraid to get up and move around on her own).  When she started having accidents, we thought the first couple were just fluke incidents, and scolded her (gently), before taking her outside to remind her of the proper place for these bodily functions.

A month and a half in, it became pretty apparent that Toast was not, in fact, house trained in any way.  As she lost her fear of us, and became less concerned about being vulnerable in front of potentially dangerous eyes, she quite freely eliminated wherever she happened to be when nature called.

When the realization that we would have to house train her hit, I was bummed.  So much work!  And I really didn't know where to start.  I googled it and what?  I have to go out with the dogs EVERY SINGLE TIME???  And carry treats EVERYWHERE I GO???

It's not that big a deal.  It seemed horrendous at the time but it only took a week or so for me to settle into the training role.  I have a very cool treat pouch with a shoulder strap.  It's actually convenient since I have to carry poop bags anyway, and this has a dispenser built in.  I also have a clicker (literally a plastic device that makes a clicking noise) so we can let Toast know she's doing the right thing even if she's feeling too skittish for treats (which was a definite problem at first - we'd toss them on the ground but even then she wouldn't always take it).  It's basically a diaper bag for dogs.

It took maybe another week to convince Ryan that this whole training thing would work a lot better if we were consistent and he also clicked and treated and that I'd be much more willing to do my part in preventing lawn burn if he did his part in house training.

And now?  It's easy.  Accidents still happen sometimes if we don't keep a close enough watch, but Toast is starting to expect treats after going outside and we make a point of taking her out every time she gets up and goes to the door, so she knows the right place to go and how to get out there.  I feel a lot more confidence that we will have her successfully house trained at some point, and when accidents do occur?  No big thang!  Cleaning up pee isn't a big deal after you've done it 10 times.  AND my mom said our house doesn't even smell like dog, so I'd say we're winning.

If there's a lesson to be learned here, it's that everything new seems hard until you get comfortable with it.  When we first got Toast and I realized we couldn't leave her alone, and she was getting growly if we let her on the bed, but barking in the crate, I hit a point where I was so stressed and frustrated that I was daydreaming about not having gotten her.  Adopter's remorse.

I knew logically that we'd get through it, but I spent several days tense and stressed.  The best thing I did (my go-to coping mechanism in similar situations) is focus on the end result.  Just like with Luke, in 6 months or a year, the idea of feeling this stressed and unhappy about the situation will be laughable.  And we'd probably love her just as much then as any other member of the family.

It's not 6 months later, but it's already gotten much, much easier.  Each look from her sad, little eyes, each (rare but increasing) tail wag, and each time she breaks out of her shell and does something incredibly doggy, she burrows a little further into my heart.  I already can't imagine not having adopted her, and I'm that much more excited to see where we'll be in a year.

How do you stay focused on the positive in stressful situations?  Did you love your pets from the get-go or did you need an adjustment period?

Things That Make Me Happy

So, as part of my "cheer the eff up and stop being mopey" plan, I'm trying to actively focus on the good parts of my life and the things that make me happy.  For your viewing pleasure, here are the things that I could find cute pictures for.

1. Family Time!

And especially being active with my family!  Ryan's birthday was a Wednesday, so he took the day off work and we went hiking.  Toast did fantastic, after initially being frightened of the harness, and we had an awesome 2 hours of wandering around in woodsy areas.

2. Killer Closet

I'm hoping I'll eventually feel this way about the rest of the house, but our closet organization is killing it!  For now, the closet (yes, that's right the closet) is my happy place, with the best mix of organization, color, and simplicity to be found anywhere in our home.

3. Nerding Out

Painting with a Twist and these Tardis paintings.  Doctor Who might have been taken off of Netflix, but that doesn't mean we can't find other ways to indulge our fandom!  We went completely off the rails during the class and the results were... interesting.

4. My Babies (Sometimes, When They're Good)

When my pups actually like me!  Toast never gets this close willingly.  I had to bribe her with popcorn.  But when you consider that she was too afraid to even try popcorn when we first got her, this is a total win.  Luke is, of course, being a ham and trying to keep all the popcorn and bellyrubs for himself.

Other Things That Make Me Happy (that I don't happen to have phone photos for)

• When people call or text me just to chat
• When Sister2 thanked me for being the reliably enthusiastic family member for news and events
• New clothes
• Finding the optimal arrangement for something
• Letting go of physical and emotional baggage
• A clean car
• Watching people laugh (the best is that big belly laugh when they throw their head back and really let go)
• Febreeze bombing the house
• Friends (and people) who like you and say it
• Spinach salads with fruit on them (strawberries, craisins, pineapple, you name it!)
• When Ryan calls me "lady"
• Vacations
• Conversations that teach you something
• Conversations that teach you nothing but make you laugh
• New experiences
• Writing and having people care enough to discuss it with me

Thanks, guys.

What makes you happy?  What do you do when you're feeling down?

A Very Toasty Post

So you know the thing people do when they have babies and that's all they can think about?  Yeah... I'll confess to having a little bit of "dog brain" after first adopting.  Sister2 and I adopted Maverick and Luke (respectively) around the same time and poor Sister3 had to listen to endless discussions about training, equipment, and pooping schedules.  I know it's not fun for non-dog owners, so I'll keep it as short and sweet as possible, and try to limit the volume of doggy posts.

I get so excited about each little improvement.  "Look!  Her tail's less tucked today!!!"  "She barked at the Roomba!!!"  "She walked on the leash and only quit for the last 20% of the walk!"  But I think you have to.  Because there's lots of little backslides, too.  One day she'll take kibble or a treat from my hand and then she stops.  She's getting braver and walking around on her own, buuut that also means she's brave enough to run away from us instead of just curling up in a ball and accepting her fate.

Speaking of which - she's already gotten away from me.  Twice.  The first time was my fault - I was holding her collar, preparing to clip her onto the long leash we had tied to the deck.  She yanked forward, the collar slipped out of my hand, and she darted to her favorite spot in the leaves in the back.  Fortunately she stayed there and let me retrieve her.

The second time was worse.  We implemented a "leash on before the door opens" plan, meaning that we put the regular 4ft leash on before we even open the door, and then clip the runner (we swapped the long leash for a legit cable that won't get tangled in the yard) on before removing the short leash.  But that doesn't help if the collar pops open, which it did.  This time she fled further, and didn't huddle into her "waiting for death" position.  When I got too close, she'd retreat.  So I stayed and watched her, while Ryan hastily donned some apparel (it was the first morning outing and he wasn't out of bed yet) and circled around behind her in the woods.  That was dicey, but we lucked out and she gave up after a couple more retreats.  Now checking the collar is part of the routine.

We're very careful to never run after her.  Both because we don't want to scare her more and because we don't want to teach her that running is an option.  Right now she flees from us sometimes, but we can generally corner her if we catch her in the right spot (or we wait until she settles down on the couch, which she has yet to "escape" from).  If she starts full-on running from us, we have no hope of catching her because ain't no human (especially not us) that can match a running dog.

Luke seems to be avoiding her less.  They're still not interacting much, but they've sniffed a few times and he's starting to recognize that going to get Toast is part of the going outside routine, so instead of acting jealous, he gets excited when I pick her up.  He still won't stay on the couch with her (if we're not there), but I feel like that's partly due to the fact that he was pretty solidly trained not to get on the couch (before it got quite so dilapidated), so he still doesn't know when or if he's allowed up there.  I'm hoping we can undo that training without confusing him too much.

 

She's sprawling!  Like she's actually comfortable even though I'm only 5ft away!!!

An unexpected plus: I started doing "training" with dog treats, mostly to build a positive connection for Toast with going outside and for her name (seriously, she acts like going outside and being petted are forms of torture).  Since the treats were out, I ran Luke through some of his old tricks and somehow between now and 5 months ago, he "remembered" how to roll over.  We struggled with that months ago and now he's just doing it like it's no big deal.  I'm beginning to suspect he never forgot; he was just too lazy to do it.

Her barking is weird.  I don't remember what Luke used to be like but at some point we accidentally trained him to do this weird whine-yelp noise instead (because it was cute and funny and we didn't realize we were encouraging him to do it more and more loudly until it was too late).  But Toast barks like a normal dog - a deep, warning bark, seemingly incongruous with her small size (she's only 27 pounds which looks pretty tiny next to Luke's 55).  She also growls, which made me nervous at first, until I realized that she's still being submissive and (I'm pretty sure) we don't have to worry about her snapping at us out of fear.  But yeah, so verbally she sounds super tough, and then you get up close and she is this absolute wreck of fear and shaking and no way in hell is she going to defend herself or anyone else.  I kind of think she barks to let us know there's a problem.  ("Handle this, humans, for I cannot!")

She freaked out the other day when Ryan burped.  It was an obnoxiously long and loud belch, but we had to laugh at her reaction.  She barked and growled, looking around for the intruder.  I think she barked more at that than she did when Roommate came home 30 minutes later.

Overall, I'm feeling pretty good about the situation.  Ryan's gotten frustrated a couple times and he keeps worrying that she's going to hate him whenever something happens that scares her (running from him and sliding on the hardwood stairs, having to retrieve her from thorn bushes and both of them getting scratched up, etc), but I think it's inevitable that we'll accidentally scare her sometimes.  We can't tiptoe around and not expose her to the normal sounds of our daily life.  She'll get used to the blender and the Roomba.  She'll get used to going up and down the stairs and learn not to run.

Even when she "regresses" it's just a small setback.  It's absolutely bizarre to think so little time has passed.  It hasn't even been 2 weeks!  And so, even though the progress we have is inconsistent and small, it's amazing for how little time we've had.  Just imagine what we can do with a month or two.



 

Perhaps the calmest she has been that close to a human so far.  It was my mom, of course.  Using her super mom-soothing powers.  I know, Toast, she calms me down, too.

Bonus: here is the list of things Toast is NOT afraid of:

• Luke (or other dogs)
• Birds
• Food (although suspicious of treats)
• The vacuum (I know - how???)

I hope to have a much longer list next time I write about her.

 

Have you ever adopted a rescue dog?  How about one with issues?  How long did it take for you to see improvements?

Introducing Toast!

Meet Toast, a Valentine's Day addition to our family (timing coincidental)!

Toast is 8-ish months old and so, so scared and sad looking.  She spends most of her time looking like this.

And she won't come with us unless we pick her up.  It's a good thing she's only 27 pounds or this might have been a bit more challenging!

When we met her at the shelter, she walked around a little bit, but I had to scoop her up and hold her in my lap to get her anywhere near me and it took a good 10 minutes to get her to stop shaking.  The volunteer was delighted that she stopped and relaxed at all.

I fell in love with her and knew we had to take her home and save her and show her that the world's not scary and not all people are bad, but at the same time it's a little heart-breaking to think about the situation that turned her into this in the first place.

So far we've carried her up and down stairs and outside for bathroom breaks, and she mostly just lets us and doesn't do much of her own free will.  Except eat!  But even then I had to go stand about 15 feet away and not watch her.

Luke is supposed to be her mentor to show her that people are good and how to relax, but unfortunately he's been a little stand-offish.  I thought he was jealous, but Ryan thinks he's getting a little anxious because this new dog is so, so afraid and he doesn't know why.  So basically we have two little scaredy-dogs who are going to needs tons of love and attention until everyone figures out that it's all ok.

But I'm sure we'll get there eventually.

Becoming a Dog Person

Significant and I rescued Luke (the only "person" whose real name I can use) from a shelter while we lived in Laurel, MD.  I wasn't sure I was ready for a pet at the time and, despite a carefully laid out agreement determining responsibilities (mostly his), I had some misgivings.  We didn't want the same things at all!

Significant wanted a smaller, "apartment" dog.  I did some research and saw that size really doesn't matter as much as temperament, which backed up my argument for a larger dog, like a greyhound.  We did so much research on breeds, size, dog psychology, the whole nine yards.  None of it mattered in the end.  Sure, we got a few tidbits from the shelter, and we spent an hour or so visiting with Luke.  He seemed gentle enough and was friendly and a good compromise in terms of the sizes we had argued over.  But in terms of actual information, we got very little.

Things the shelter said that were true:

• Tendency to eat fabric/soft things (we lost a few socks, but he's learned, finally)

Things the shelter said that were totally wrong:

• Crate trained (Nope, not at all.  After freaking out for 2 hours the first night, he escaped and ran frantically around the apartment until we realized what was going on.)
• Lab mix (I think this was to make it easier to find him a home.  So many apartments have prejudices against Rottweilers, Pitbulls, and even Dobermans and Luke is probably mixed with the first or last of these.)
• Afraid of storms (hey, at least one positive!)

The day we took him home was a bit impulsive and probably foolish.  Significant was working one of his 24 shifts (different job, weird hours), and I had plans up in Delaware.  But we couldn't wait, so we picked him up anyway, and I took him to Delaware with me, growing increasingly stressed by his continual whining and not understanding his signals or what I needed to worry about him getting into.

Sister3 watched him for me while I went to dinner with a friend, but I was so anxious the whole time that it wasn't very enjoyable.  Thinking about it now, it's almost laughable.  I was very obviously a new pet owner.

That night I went to another friend's house, one who was dog-friendly, to spend the night so I'd have some moral support until Significant got home from work the next day.  Luke spent the night getting on and off the bed and pacing, occasionally growling or barking at the beings on the other side of the door, and I was totally freaked out, not knowing what any of it meant or whether I should be afraid of the growls.  In the morning, I sped home, waiting impatiently for Significant to get home while Luke barked incessantly at me, and finally burst into tears the moment he walked through the door.

"Why won't he stop barking?!!!"  (Seriously, I don't think the whole "ignore them until they stop" thing works.  Say what you will.)

"I don't know.  Here, I'll take him into the other room and you go lie down."

Significant got him calmed down and we fed him.  We spent that day trying to learn how to best take care of our new pet and the next several nights trying to decide how to handle the crate fiasco.

We struggled with crate training for weeks.  We tried the wire crates, and the plastic ones.  We tried tenting a blanket over it to make it feel like a "den" and succeeded only in destroying the blanket.

Finally, one day, we tried leaving him uncrated.  Magic!  I honestly don't know why we didn't think of it sooner, but I'm going to have to blame it on inexperience.  He was so destructive inside the crate that the idea of leaving him alone with access to our furniture just seemed terrible.

And he had a few lapses.  We lost some sofa pillows and and the inside door mat.  When we first got him we were both home most of the time, so he didn't really have to get used to being alone for a while, and the very few occasions that we did leave were usually rocky.  As soon as we started a more normal schedule, he adjusted and the "bad behavior" went away.

Posed, obviously.  Such a well-trained dog would never roll in the laundry...

By the time we had had him a year, he was trained, he understood most of our commands, he wasn't our "dog" anymore, he was our baby.  He sleeps on the bed with us every night, gets cuddles and the occasional "people food."  We feel bad when we leave him and he gives us the big sad eyes, and drooping "my spirit is broken" ears.  When we come home at the end of the day, he's at the front door, whole back end wiggling with enthusiasm, and making the oddest cooing/growl/Chewbacca noises I've ever heard.

In addition to learning to love this happy little animal, I've learned more about dogs in general.  What's normal, what's not.  The fact that a little growl here and there is really nothing to be alarmed about.  That bad behaviors aren't permanent, and training just takes a little time.  That we got really lucky, because despite our initial trepidation, Luke is really one of the most chilled out dogs I've met (case in point: Sister2's dog, Maverick, has all kinds of emotional psychiatric doggy issues and she's probably scoffing at the "training just takes a little time" comment).

Seriously, who could not love this guy?

And my other favorite

Significant getting goofy with Luke and Maverick (who is currently not being crazy, but usually is)

It's been a really amazing experience overall and I'm so glad I agreed to it despite my misgivings.  I always thought of myself as more of a cat person and now I'm learning there's no hard and fast rules (definitely pros and cons though - I posted a Cats vs Dogs Comparison a while back).  Most pets are hard not to love!

What was your first pet?  Did you have trouble adjusting?