It's a lovely day. Your gracious mother has agreed to take your rambunctious toddler overnight, so you wake up refreshed after many hours of sleep, ready to take on the world. You feel so great you want to celebrate with something appropriately tasty or brunchy.
Brunch won't work, because surely your mother will be too tired of spending time with your son to go out with you. Pancakes sound great, but you don't have mix and don't know if your toddler will give you enough space and free time to make the batter. Plus you're out of syrup.
French toast! French toast will do.
Here's how it goes down.
1) Pick up your child
Your mom is happy. Your son is happy. He had a bit of a brush with the dish soap earlier in the morning, but doesn't seem to have swallowed any or suffered any adverse reactions. You move on.
2) Return home
You allow your son to dig around in the pantry while you prep. It's easier than trying to get in and out while shutting him out every time you have to grab an ingredient and avoids the inevitable tantrum.
3) Realize you're out of powdered sugar
Hmmm... What do other people top their french toast with? Syrup, but you're out of that, too. Ah! Let's do bananas and brown sugar. It will be delicious.
4) Assemble ingredients.
Steal your roommate's 2-week-old untouched loaf of white bread, because surely that stuff will go moldly at some point and you might as well use it up for him. Mix eggs, milk, and cinnamon. Slice up a banana. Viola! Ready to cook.
5) Dip bread into mixture and drop into frying pan
You might have added too much milk to the mixture, but another egg can fix that. No worries! You've done this a million times.
6) Realize your son has opened the cocoa powder
What? When did he learn to do that??? Omg, it's everywhere. Laugh hysterically because the brown streaks on his face look like camo, and then stick him in his high chair so you can sweep up the mess.
7) Flip the first 2 pieces of french toast
Alternate monitoring the french toast with wiping cocoa powder off your son's face.
8) French toast is done!
Dip the next 2 pieces and drop into the pan after plating the first 2. Spread some butter, sprinkle brown sugar, and cover with sliced banana pieces.
9) Feed french toast to child
As per usual, you try to feed your child while finishing up cooking. You'll eat later. He seems strangely uninterested in food. You're about to scold him for throwing his cup when he abruptly vomits.
10) Freak out
You scramble around trying to grab paper towels to clean up your son's face and the tray, while also holding his bowl bib the catch most of the vomit. He begins to cry and reaches for you, wanting you to hold him and comfort him, but you can't. It's everywhere. You strip him down, mop up the worst of the mess, and immediately call your mother to ask about dish soap and poison control. She doesn't think it should be that big a deal but reads the back of the dish soap to you word for word.
11) Call poison control
After a quick Google search, you're pretty sure this is the safest bet. Poison control picks up quickly and is extremely reassuring. Dish soap is not a problem. Vomiting usually occurs within a few moments because of the taste more than anything else. Are you sure it was the dish soap and your child didn't get into anything else?
12) Remember the cocoa powder
After hanging up with poison control, quickly call your mother to reassure her that she didn't poison your child and it was in fact your own fault that he's puking all over the place. You both laugh, trying to hide the fact that you're both still a bit worried, even though your child is giggling and acting normal again.
13) Initiate clean up
You look over at your child. He has his foot up on his high chair tray and is smearing vomit around with his foot. He thinks this is the most fun game ever. You sigh
14) Finally eat
30 minutes later you have bathed your child, put him to bed, and mopped up all the mess. The french toast is cold, but still fairly tasty. You're not really in the mood for it anymore, but hey. Food is food and at least it won't poison anyone.
Brunch won't work, because surely your mother will be too tired of spending time with your son to go out with you. Pancakes sound great, but you don't have mix and don't know if your toddler will give you enough space and free time to make the batter. Plus you're out of syrup.
French toast! French toast will do.
Here's how it goes down.
1) Pick up your child
Your mom is happy. Your son is happy. He had a bit of a brush with the dish soap earlier in the morning, but doesn't seem to have swallowed any or suffered any adverse reactions. You move on.
2) Return home
You allow your son to dig around in the pantry while you prep. It's easier than trying to get in and out while shutting him out every time you have to grab an ingredient and avoids the inevitable tantrum.
3) Realize you're out of powdered sugar
Hmmm... What do other people top their french toast with? Syrup, but you're out of that, too. Ah! Let's do bananas and brown sugar. It will be delicious.
4) Assemble ingredients.
Steal your roommate's 2-week-old untouched loaf of white bread, because surely that stuff will go moldly at some point and you might as well use it up for him. Mix eggs, milk, and cinnamon. Slice up a banana. Viola! Ready to cook.
5) Dip bread into mixture and drop into frying pan
You might have added too much milk to the mixture, but another egg can fix that. No worries! You've done this a million times.
6) Realize your son has opened the cocoa powder
What? When did he learn to do that??? Omg, it's everywhere. Laugh hysterically because the brown streaks on his face look like camo, and then stick him in his high chair so you can sweep up the mess.
7) Flip the first 2 pieces of french toast
Alternate monitoring the french toast with wiping cocoa powder off your son's face.
8) French toast is done!
Dip the next 2 pieces and drop into the pan after plating the first 2. Spread some butter, sprinkle brown sugar, and cover with sliced banana pieces.
9) Feed french toast to child
As per usual, you try to feed your child while finishing up cooking. You'll eat later. He seems strangely uninterested in food. You're about to scold him for throwing his cup when he abruptly vomits.
10) Freak out
You scramble around trying to grab paper towels to clean up your son's face and the tray, while also holding his bowl bib the catch most of the vomit. He begins to cry and reaches for you, wanting you to hold him and comfort him, but you can't. It's everywhere. You strip him down, mop up the worst of the mess, and immediately call your mother to ask about dish soap and poison control. She doesn't think it should be that big a deal but reads the back of the dish soap to you word for word.
11) Call poison control
After a quick Google search, you're pretty sure this is the safest bet. Poison control picks up quickly and is extremely reassuring. Dish soap is not a problem. Vomiting usually occurs within a few moments because of the taste more than anything else. Are you sure it was the dish soap and your child didn't get into anything else?
12) Remember the cocoa powder
After hanging up with poison control, quickly call your mother to reassure her that she didn't poison your child and it was in fact your own fault that he's puking all over the place. You both laugh, trying to hide the fact that you're both still a bit worried, even though your child is giggling and acting normal again.
13) Initiate clean up
You look over at your child. He has his foot up on his high chair tray and is smearing vomit around with his foot. He thinks this is the most fun game ever. You sigh
14) Finally eat
30 minutes later you have bathed your child, put him to bed, and mopped up all the mess. The french toast is cold, but still fairly tasty. You're not really in the mood for it anymore, but hey. Food is food and at least it won't poison anyone.
