I'm comfortably ensconced in my bed, slumped against the wall with the laptop resting on my legs, a bag of popcorn on my belly, and a healing crystal on my chest.
It's ridiculous, but I'm kind of enjoying it. I also have a mug of hot cocoa to look forward to. Yes, Orion, your parents do do all the fun things after you go to bed! Oh right, Orion is in bed and I can finally relax with my parental duties successfully discharged, and I don't even have to dwell on any mom guilt because I DID brush his teeth twice today, read him a book, AND bathed him. I also tried to trick him into eating vegetables, but I wasn't sneaky enough and I failed. You can't win 'em all.
Anyway, back to me, since this is me time. I've been reading excessive amounts lately. Anywhere from 1-4 hours a night. It was my unwind time, my shut off my brain, escapism, freedom from constant obligation to business and babies and other people. But after I finished my most recent read - a pseudo-science literary detective novel - I was starting to feel like maybe there's a limit to how much fluff one should consume in any given year.
I'm "supposed" to be working now, but the temptation to sneak back to this now defunct blog and write something purely for fun, purely for me, was too much. I'm planning on leaving the laptop by the bed to encourage myself to write more, and browse social media less. I'd been using the excuse of "building my following" but it's gotten to be even more BS-y than the books I was reading.
I no longer have an official domain name for this blog. I conceded that while $15/year isn't that much, it also doesn't make sense to pay it for something that was only ever a hobby and now sees hardly any use at all.
I don't really have to explain the healing crystals because the only people who read this have already heard about them. They're just fun. That being said, I did go through with the "cleansing ritual" of running water over them to remove the energies they may have picked up from the other people who have handled them. And I have been enjoying toying with them over the past couple days.
I think having a focus can really help when you're trying to remind yourself to stay positive, or turn things around, or whatever. It's a reminder what your values are. So no, you don't need to buy a $30 shiny rock, but it's also not a completely waste of money. Plus they're pretty.
Calming my mind is something I've had a lot of trouble with lately. My business has ups and downs, and right now most of my clients are frustrating me. Meanwhile I'm still not making as much money as I thought I'd be. My monthly income goes up, but slowly, and I've been investing a lot into different marketing strategies so I don't actually see much profit.
The volunteer work I'm doing for the League of Women Voters is very gratifying. People are genuinely excited about the work I'm doing, which is an ego boost, and it's for a cause I can believe in. I'm trying not to spend too much of my "work time" on their projects because money needs to be a priority but it's hard, even after tracking all my projects in a to do list, to push them out of my mind to relax or do other work.
Oh Momma! I mentioned the league to Mary and she said something like, "What is that? It sounds like a bunch of badass female superheroes!" Lol!!! I though you might get a kick out of that.
I bought a new self help book, not because I really wanted or need it, but because a friend wrote it and I wanted to support her. The last few pages I read were about meditation and journaling. That was definitely part of the impetus to come write instead of reading tonight.
I'm following a bunch of "ethical businesses" on Instagram and Twitter now, because that's my preferred clientele. So naturally I'm seeing all this stuff about sustainability, the environment, veganism, and so on. It's a much-needed push to look into my own consumerism habits, but I find it a little overwhelming, too. There's so many things to work on - how do you decide where to start?
I think the best thing I do for the environment right now is to shop less. And that's more budget driven (well, and anti-clutter) than anything else. I have fewer clothes than I've had since Momma started giving us shopping allowances in high school. But baby stuff? Egad! We've got a thin sprinkling of baby toys, clothes, accessories, and snacks covering the entire house. It's redunk.
Among my other mental clutter is the incessant mental reminder that I'm not using my time as productively as possible and even if I did, I still couldn't get it all done. I have so many business projects I'd like to try. I have several ongoing that are making progress! Just slowly.
This week has been even slower because the first trimester fatigue has hit. I wake up each morning exhausted, feed Orion and get him ready, and then pass out again while Ryan drives him to daycare. Then I get up somewhere around noon sweaty and sluggish and have trouble getting my brain working again.
Somewhat ironically, nights have been the complete opposite. I feel energized and un-unhealthy. Lol! I guess I could say healthy, but it's more just back to normal than that. No fatigue, no nausea. I'm a little torn whether I should just go with it and become mildly nocturnal for the next month or two, or if I should fight it and force myself to go to bed earlier, in the hopes that the next morning will be better.
Oh, back to the self help book. One idea the author mentioned was to do gratitude and un-gratitude together. Like get the negatives out of your brain, and then end on gratitude to refocus. I like this idea a lot. I was going to suggest it to Ryan but it slipped my mind, so here goes:
It's ridiculous, but I'm kind of enjoying it. I also have a mug of hot cocoa to look forward to. Yes, Orion, your parents do do all the fun things after you go to bed! Oh right, Orion is in bed and I can finally relax with my parental duties successfully discharged, and I don't even have to dwell on any mom guilt because I DID brush his teeth twice today, read him a book, AND bathed him. I also tried to trick him into eating vegetables, but I wasn't sneaky enough and I failed. You can't win 'em all.
Anyway, back to me, since this is me time. I've been reading excessive amounts lately. Anywhere from 1-4 hours a night. It was my unwind time, my shut off my brain, escapism, freedom from constant obligation to business and babies and other people. But after I finished my most recent read - a pseudo-science literary detective novel - I was starting to feel like maybe there's a limit to how much fluff one should consume in any given year.
I'm "supposed" to be working now, but the temptation to sneak back to this now defunct blog and write something purely for fun, purely for me, was too much. I'm planning on leaving the laptop by the bed to encourage myself to write more, and browse social media less. I'd been using the excuse of "building my following" but it's gotten to be even more BS-y than the books I was reading.
I no longer have an official domain name for this blog. I conceded that while $15/year isn't that much, it also doesn't make sense to pay it for something that was only ever a hobby and now sees hardly any use at all.
I don't really have to explain the healing crystals because the only people who read this have already heard about them. They're just fun. That being said, I did go through with the "cleansing ritual" of running water over them to remove the energies they may have picked up from the other people who have handled them. And I have been enjoying toying with them over the past couple days.
I think having a focus can really help when you're trying to remind yourself to stay positive, or turn things around, or whatever. It's a reminder what your values are. So no, you don't need to buy a $30 shiny rock, but it's also not a completely waste of money. Plus they're pretty.
Calming my mind is something I've had a lot of trouble with lately. My business has ups and downs, and right now most of my clients are frustrating me. Meanwhile I'm still not making as much money as I thought I'd be. My monthly income goes up, but slowly, and I've been investing a lot into different marketing strategies so I don't actually see much profit.
The volunteer work I'm doing for the League of Women Voters is very gratifying. People are genuinely excited about the work I'm doing, which is an ego boost, and it's for a cause I can believe in. I'm trying not to spend too much of my "work time" on their projects because money needs to be a priority but it's hard, even after tracking all my projects in a to do list, to push them out of my mind to relax or do other work.
Oh Momma! I mentioned the league to Mary and she said something like, "What is that? It sounds like a bunch of badass female superheroes!" Lol!!! I though you might get a kick out of that.
I bought a new self help book, not because I really wanted or need it, but because a friend wrote it and I wanted to support her. The last few pages I read were about meditation and journaling. That was definitely part of the impetus to come write instead of reading tonight.
I'm following a bunch of "ethical businesses" on Instagram and Twitter now, because that's my preferred clientele. So naturally I'm seeing all this stuff about sustainability, the environment, veganism, and so on. It's a much-needed push to look into my own consumerism habits, but I find it a little overwhelming, too. There's so many things to work on - how do you decide where to start?
I think the best thing I do for the environment right now is to shop less. And that's more budget driven (well, and anti-clutter) than anything else. I have fewer clothes than I've had since Momma started giving us shopping allowances in high school. But baby stuff? Egad! We've got a thin sprinkling of baby toys, clothes, accessories, and snacks covering the entire house. It's redunk.
Among my other mental clutter is the incessant mental reminder that I'm not using my time as productively as possible and even if I did, I still couldn't get it all done. I have so many business projects I'd like to try. I have several ongoing that are making progress! Just slowly.
This week has been even slower because the first trimester fatigue has hit. I wake up each morning exhausted, feed Orion and get him ready, and then pass out again while Ryan drives him to daycare. Then I get up somewhere around noon sweaty and sluggish and have trouble getting my brain working again.
Somewhat ironically, nights have been the complete opposite. I feel energized and un-unhealthy. Lol! I guess I could say healthy, but it's more just back to normal than that. No fatigue, no nausea. I'm a little torn whether I should just go with it and become mildly nocturnal for the next month or two, or if I should fight it and force myself to go to bed earlier, in the hopes that the next morning will be better.
Oh, back to the self help book. One idea the author mentioned was to do gratitude and un-gratitude together. Like get the negatives out of your brain, and then end on gratitude to refocus. I like this idea a lot. I was going to suggest it to Ryan but it slipped my mind, so here goes:
Un-gratitude
- Client who bailed on our project with so little explanation, client who used to respect my expertise but has lately been questioning everything I say, client who is "detail oriented" to the point of wanting-to-tear-my-hair-out-nitpicking
- Tired, tired, tired
- Feeling overly sensitive to criticism and other people's actions (#1 totally hurt my feelings by not liking my design, and it still bothers me that none of my friends donated to my FB fundraiser. I donate to their stuff! Where's the give and take???)
Gratitude
- My baby, who is beautiful and healthy and slightly less fussy the last couple days than he has been
- Business projects I'm genuinely excited by, like my branding kits and building my freebie library
- The fact that we live lives that are so easy that I can even think about (and complain about) some of this stuff. People are struggling for survival in other countries and I'm over here trying to be self actualized.
Nicki, I played frisbee gold with Papa today, and some of his stories about your amazing shots have exaggerated themselves just a bit. Or I'd forgotten them. But I was listening to him and I realized that no matter what you do with your life, Papa will find ways to be proud of you. He's proud of Sarah for being a doctor, and begrudgingly proud of me for doing art things he doesn't understand, but you could sell drugs out of your van and he would still probably say, "Nicki is just something else. Living life on her own terms!"
You know what's nice about writing? Time goes slower than it does for reading. When I read a book, I'll think, "Better check the time, it's probably almost 9." Nope, 9:45. I'll read, check the time periodically, math out how much sleep it's possible for me to still get, and then keep going despite knowing it's self destructive at that point. I enjoy reading, but there's also an almost negative quality about it when I get to that point where I have trouble putting the book down. Like eating too many sugary things. It feels good but isn't without consequences.
I don't necessarily expect any of you to have read this far, but I still want to say this:
- Momma, I appreciate you for being there, helping out with Orion, and always being willing to listen to me even if you're not interested in what I'm saying. You've been my best idea generator just by giving me feedback and helping me mull through ideas. I enjoy spending time with you more than any of my friends and I sometimes feel like I'm bothering you too much so hopefully you don't mind! P.S. We should go to The Melting Pot sometime soon.
- Sarah, I really admire how much you care about your patients, my feelings, and social issues. I appreciate that you go to marches, that you share thoughtful posts on Facebook, and even that you made a Twitter account just to angry-tweet at Trump. I wish you lived closer so I could dump my baby off on you sometimes, but I also feel like we're doing a pretty good job of staying close sister-friends regardless of the distance.
- Nicki, I think you are the funniest and most interesting person I know. You tell really good stories, even the ones at your own expense, and you're just unpredictable enough to keep us guessing what you're up to. Sometimes I worry about you a little bit with your lack of work boundaries, but it's probably just because you're the youngest, and I have to worry about somebody.
I love you guys!
