When I was talking about all my favorite web comics, someone mentioned The Bloggess, and I suddenly remembered that she was my very first blog read. Technically, I suppose, it was Hyperbole and a Half or The Oatmeal or XKCD, with varying degrees of accuracy on whether those sites constitute a "blog" but The Bloggess was the very first person I read who just put whatever words on the page she wanted to and people cared! She was weird, and random, and funny, and made me wonder what else was out there.
I searched through Wordpress and found a couple other blogs, but mostly just stuck with The Bloggess and Hacker. Ninja. Hooker. Spy. Then, by random chance, Sister2 sent me a link to Arkansassy's post about "real women" and I realized, "Holy crap! There's a whole social world out there." I hopped from sidebar to sidebar, at first only finding bloggers with so many commenters they couldn't really make real friendships (not with everyone), but eventually landing in my niche and finding a group I could really mesh with.
It's silly now, but I was so freaking nervous to leave my first ever comment. I think it was on a post by Insert Classy Here, or maybe Avoiding Atrophy (who was so adorable - she was like my celebrity crush. Blogger crush? Is that a thing?), and I reformatted it like 20 times before posting. Then I waited, refreshing the page every couple of hours to see if she would respond. She never did, and, as I continued to comment on other, different blogs, I realized very few people did.
Finally, The Daily Tay explained to me about the whole responding by email thing, and that just blew my poor little brain. From there, I dove completely into the "how to blog" world and learned all about things like sidebars, blogger profiles, Wordpress vs Blogger, how to make tweaks to the freebie templates, and so on. I followed Helene in Between and Venus Trapped in Mars and soaked in every bit of blog advice I could find. It was exciting, and not really scary anymore, and in a way I almost miss that. Even though I was super impressionable and got caught up in the stats, and optimizing your posts for Pinterest, and all that other BS, it was just very thrilling.
Now my blog kind of feels like an old worn shoe. I'm very comfortable in it, and I occasionally take some pride in it, but it's never getting that thrill back. Not without some kind of drastic change, or decision to monetize. But it's nice to remember the beginning, and I mention all the names because it's kind of fun to see the path I took, from blogs with hundreds of comments and enough pageviews that they don't need day jobs anymore, to this little niche of practical people with real lives who blog just because they like to write and make online connections.
I also read my first couple of posts. I've deleted the ones that make me cringe, or that belong on the business blog, but even the ones that are just ok sound like a different person. I think I was different, and I spent a lot of time looking for friends or social connections and I really didn't expect blogging to provide that, but it has and more. When I write dumb shit like this, you guys actually read it and actually care. We have conversations about things that I don't even want to bore my family with, and we discuss things near and dear to my heart that some IRL friends don't even know because our in-person conversations never get much deeper than the surface.
That first post ever? It was resolutions for 2012. I'm going to list them here:
I searched through Wordpress and found a couple other blogs, but mostly just stuck with The Bloggess and Hacker. Ninja. Hooker. Spy. Then, by random chance, Sister2 sent me a link to Arkansassy's post about "real women" and I realized, "Holy crap! There's a whole social world out there." I hopped from sidebar to sidebar, at first only finding bloggers with so many commenters they couldn't really make real friendships (not with everyone), but eventually landing in my niche and finding a group I could really mesh with.
It's silly now, but I was so freaking nervous to leave my first ever comment. I think it was on a post by Insert Classy Here, or maybe Avoiding Atrophy (who was so adorable - she was like my celebrity crush. Blogger crush? Is that a thing?), and I reformatted it like 20 times before posting. Then I waited, refreshing the page every couple of hours to see if she would respond. She never did, and, as I continued to comment on other, different blogs, I realized very few people did.
Finally, The Daily Tay explained to me about the whole responding by email thing, and that just blew my poor little brain. From there, I dove completely into the "how to blog" world and learned all about things like sidebars, blogger profiles, Wordpress vs Blogger, how to make tweaks to the freebie templates, and so on. I followed Helene in Between and Venus Trapped in Mars and soaked in every bit of blog advice I could find. It was exciting, and not really scary anymore, and in a way I almost miss that. Even though I was super impressionable and got caught up in the stats, and optimizing your posts for Pinterest, and all that other BS, it was just very thrilling.
Now my blog kind of feels like an old worn shoe. I'm very comfortable in it, and I occasionally take some pride in it, but it's never getting that thrill back. Not without some kind of drastic change, or decision to monetize. But it's nice to remember the beginning, and I mention all the names because it's kind of fun to see the path I took, from blogs with hundreds of comments and enough pageviews that they don't need day jobs anymore, to this little niche of practical people with real lives who blog just because they like to write and make online connections.
I also read my first couple of posts. I've deleted the ones that make me cringe, or that belong on the business blog, but even the ones that are just ok sound like a different person. I think I was different, and I spent a lot of time looking for friends or social connections and I really didn't expect blogging to provide that, but it has and more. When I write dumb shit like this, you guys actually read it and actually care. We have conversations about things that I don't even want to bore my family with, and we discuss things near and dear to my heart that some IRL friends don't even know because our in-person conversations never get much deeper than the surface.
That first post ever? It was resolutions for 2012. I'm going to list them here:
- Finish all personal design projects left from preceding year; eliminate the ominous feel of projects too long left undone
- Find a design-related career job or way to support myself
- Stick to my budget (in 2011 I managed to pay off my credit card; now with additional expenses, ventures, and investments I'm hoping to keep it that way)
- Find time every day for work and play and exercise; make the most of each day
- Make new friends; expand my network and my personal horizons
- Find 3 ways to improve myself
- Complete at least one activity from my bucket list
It is almost indescribably satisfying to read these now, because I've kicked so much butt since then. I have freelance work and I have a part time job that pays the bills. Debt is so far behind me I barely remember what that was like, and I'm sooo much better at letting projects go when I don't want to work on them anymore. I've made a bunch of new friends and experimented with all kinds of self improvement projects and crossed off travel goals, life goals, and adrenaline activities from that bucket list.
But I think the biggest difference is mindset. I feel like I know what I'm doing know. I write for you guys sometimes, my family occasionally (thought mostly I forget that they read and then blush when my grandmother mentions my profanity), and always for me. I don't need to read how to tutorials, because I know the advice and I know whether or not I want to take it.
Of course outside of blogging, I do sometimes still feel lost. Growing up is hard, and realizing that life doesn't always fit your expectations can be disappointing. But for the most part I've got my ducks in a row and when I do need help, I've built up such a wonderful supply of resources and coping mechanisms to deal with it.
I don't have a great conclusion for this post. Is it possible to feel grateful and wistful at the same time? I appreciate my life now and I feel a great deal of gratitude for it, but there's something about a fresh new start and all the trials and tribulations that come along with that blank slate that has a certain allure for me.
Anyway, thanks guys. You're the best.
