I can't really call this anything else, so I'll just admit it: I'm ranting about a bunch of things that have bothered me lately.
I have another solution. DON'T GET A PET! Rather than destroying your animal's modes of communication (body language or verbal), just don't get an animal that communicates in ways you don't like. Maybe you're really more of a hamster person. And cats have muscles that they need to exercise by scratching. I don't want my furniture scratched up either, so I get it, but that's why I didn't get that particular pet, rather than maiming the one I have.
This infuriates me so much and I can't do a damn thing about it and I hate it.
Getting past the particular misogyny of this comment, it also made me think about the way we talk about celebrities. To be clear, I don't think male actors have to deal with the same level of objectification that females do, BUT we are very cavalier with our scrutiny of any public figure, because we don't know them personally. It's almost as if the emotional distance gives us some sense of ownership. I've listened to a bunch of men, none of whom possessed particular stellar body types themselves, go into great detail about Kim Kardashian's body transformation as she "got fat" and then "got hot" again.
I like to think myself above such assholery, but I objectify, too. I make a point of only doing it to say positive things, but who's to say that that actor or actress wants compliments like "I'd tap that" or "I'd go gay for her"? Even as a joke, is it ever appropriate to rank someone's worth by how willing you are to have sex with them? I don't think so, and that's why you won't hear that shit from my mouth anymore.
The older I get, the harder it is to laugh. The less often I feel genuinely elated or even content. More and more often I feel just neutral, or tending towards the cranky side. I remember my mom describing growing up and her emotions. She said as a child she'd lived on an emotional plateau, experienced some ups and downs as a young adult (from dating and being affected by the emotions of others), and then settled back down into a lower plateau. It sounded horribly depressing, but I'm starting to think I understand.
I don't know if I can explain it in a way that doesn't sound awful, but I think the older I get (and I assume other people as well), the more I learn to protect myself from the lows, and to handle my emotions in a mature way. This takes away so much of the power and intensity of the down swings, which is great! But I almost feel like that caution acts as a buffer with happy feelings, too. I feel it, just not with the immediacy and intensity of my youth. I spend more time worrying about the plan, and how things will work out, and whether other people are enjoying themselves, and less about myself. If that sound self-sacrificing, it's not, it's just a natural stage of growing up and realizing other people have feelings.
In any case, I spend a lot of time coming up with ideas and working on activities to be happier, but I'm starting to wonder if it's a pointless battle. Staying out of a slump and not being miserable, sure. But maybe searching for the joy and simplicity of my youth is just setting myself up for failure, because they don't exist anymore. Maybe not being miserable is as good as it gets as an adult. And for the record, I'm not miserable! I have good moments and bad, and the occasional burst of elation - it's just relatively short-lived and lost so easily.
I think a part of me has been convinced that if I get ahead of this whole "being an adult" thing, that's when I'll find happiness. That I just have to be a better adult, and then happiness will come along naturally. But now I think there's no such thing as a "real adult" and everyone has different levels of success with different things. I think there's no secret stash of happiness waiting around the corner, and I'd be better off living more in the moment instead of trying to rush ahead to something that's not there.
I think a lot of things, but I'm not 100% I've reached any sort of meaningful conclusion on that one, so maybe I'll just leave it there and ask you guys what you think.
1. Dogs Need Their Vocal Cords
Ryan and I were out walking the other day and a family had their dog in the median of the street to keep their dog away from the other dog walkers (such as us). The dog was making this godawful yodeling/screaming noise that I've never heard before and I probably wouldn't have realized what was going on if Ryan hadn't discretely whispered, "It's vocal cords were cut." WTF??? You want a dog but you don't want it to bark, so why not, right? You want a cat but you don't want it to scratch, so let's surgically lop off the tips of its paw knuckles. And we certainly can't have a heavy tail wagging and possibly knocking things over, so let's dock that thing.I have another solution. DON'T GET A PET! Rather than destroying your animal's modes of communication (body language or verbal), just don't get an animal that communicates in ways you don't like. Maybe you're really more of a hamster person. And cats have muscles that they need to exercise by scratching. I don't want my furniture scratched up either, so I get it, but that's why I didn't get that particular pet, rather than maiming the one I have.
This infuriates me so much and I can't do a damn thing about it and I hate it.
2. Finding Time
I've been listening to Steph and Jana's Armchair Librarians podcast and one of their episodes hit upon a topic near and dear to my heart: time. They talked about how people ask how they find time to read or complained about not having the time, and the real answer was "If you cared enough, you'd make time." That goes well beyond books. We can't make time for everything - there's too many things - but we all fill our time with something and for some of us that's books, for others it's video games or TV or whatever. But complaining is silly, because you're doing something with your time and if it doesn't allow you to do what you want, maybe you should ask yourself if it's really the thing you want to be prioritizing.3. I Fail to Be Open-minded About...
Dog breeding instead of adopting, people who don't read, people who downplay their intelligence or think being intelligent is uncool or unfeminine or some other BS. Littering but especially cigarette butts, saying "___ isn't for me" when you don't even know what it is or it's an absurdly broad category like "exercise," people without goals or ambitions, religion, and most forms of extremism. I'm sure there's more but the point is not that I don't tolerate these things - it's that I know people who fit into many of these categories and I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but I can't, so it's easier to just pretend it doesn't exist.4. "She's not a looker."
Someone I know said this as a joke about Harriet Tubman because she's going to be on some denomination of money and that apparently makes her appearance cause for criticism. I understand that people make jokes and I don't want to get to the point where I'm overly sensitive and can't handle any kind of humor, but for fuck's sake. Who cares what she looks like? Can it be any worse than the plethora of ugly, old white guys we have on our money already? And notice that no one ever comments on their appearance. I want to be able to take a joke, but one that's rooted in sexism and the fact that women are consistently objectified and their bodies given more attention than their accomplishments? No, I don't want to "be cool" about those jokes.Getting past the particular misogyny of this comment, it also made me think about the way we talk about celebrities. To be clear, I don't think male actors have to deal with the same level of objectification that females do, BUT we are very cavalier with our scrutiny of any public figure, because we don't know them personally. It's almost as if the emotional distance gives us some sense of ownership. I've listened to a bunch of men, none of whom possessed particular stellar body types themselves, go into great detail about Kim Kardashian's body transformation as she "got fat" and then "got hot" again.
I like to think myself above such assholery, but I objectify, too. I make a point of only doing it to say positive things, but who's to say that that actor or actress wants compliments like "I'd tap that" or "I'd go gay for her"? Even as a joke, is it ever appropriate to rank someone's worth by how willing you are to have sex with them? I don't think so, and that's why you won't hear that shit from my mouth anymore.
5. Friendships Ending
I don't think it's that big a deal. Unpopular Opinion Puffin, over here! But seriously - people want to make something solemn and permanent about friendship. Like if you grow and change and move into different directions you're still obligated to make time for each other. If your interests change and you make new friends who share those interests, you're a traitor or a fake. Well, I say it's perfectly natural and we should just enjoy things while we have them instead of trying to cling onto something that's past its prime. Some friends might be the kind that you can call after months of not speaking - I have one of those. And some might just be friends while it's convenient and fun for both of you - I have those too.
Both contribute to my life in important and fulfilling ways, even though one has stood the test of time and the other has not. And even the one that's lasted for years and years I don't expect to last forever. It will last as long as it needs to, as long as we still get some value out of each other. It's not a marriage, you're not bound to just one, and you're under no obligation to make it last forever. I think that particular freedom is a beautiful thing and should obligate us to seek out the very best people who can help us realize the best within ourselves, rather than clinging to what's familiar, even when it stagnates us.
6. Things That Are Hard
I think I had half-written a post about this titled "Adulting" for Alyssa's sake (sorry - beating jokes to death is a problem I have!), but even without all the humorous ones like "folding laundry right after it dries," I had a huge list. And, to be frank, sometimes it really bothers me. I feel like it shouldn't be that hard to be an adult. It shouldn't be that hard to get basic chores done and take care of myself. It shouldn't be that hard to have a clean home. It shouldn't be that hard to be happy.The older I get, the harder it is to laugh. The less often I feel genuinely elated or even content. More and more often I feel just neutral, or tending towards the cranky side. I remember my mom describing growing up and her emotions. She said as a child she'd lived on an emotional plateau, experienced some ups and downs as a young adult (from dating and being affected by the emotions of others), and then settled back down into a lower plateau. It sounded horribly depressing, but I'm starting to think I understand.
I don't know if I can explain it in a way that doesn't sound awful, but I think the older I get (and I assume other people as well), the more I learn to protect myself from the lows, and to handle my emotions in a mature way. This takes away so much of the power and intensity of the down swings, which is great! But I almost feel like that caution acts as a buffer with happy feelings, too. I feel it, just not with the immediacy and intensity of my youth. I spend more time worrying about the plan, and how things will work out, and whether other people are enjoying themselves, and less about myself. If that sound self-sacrificing, it's not, it's just a natural stage of growing up and realizing other people have feelings.
In any case, I spend a lot of time coming up with ideas and working on activities to be happier, but I'm starting to wonder if it's a pointless battle. Staying out of a slump and not being miserable, sure. But maybe searching for the joy and simplicity of my youth is just setting myself up for failure, because they don't exist anymore. Maybe not being miserable is as good as it gets as an adult. And for the record, I'm not miserable! I have good moments and bad, and the occasional burst of elation - it's just relatively short-lived and lost so easily.
I think a part of me has been convinced that if I get ahead of this whole "being an adult" thing, that's when I'll find happiness. That I just have to be a better adult, and then happiness will come along naturally. But now I think there's no such thing as a "real adult" and everyone has different levels of success with different things. I think there's no secret stash of happiness waiting around the corner, and I'd be better off living more in the moment instead of trying to rush ahead to something that's not there.
I think a lot of things, but I'm not 100% I've reached any sort of meaningful conclusion on that one, so maybe I'll just leave it there and ask you guys what you think.
Do you find it hard to be happy as an adult? Do you handle emotions differently now than you did as a kid and what's the end result on your overall happiness? What things make you want to rant?
