A while back my sister told me about a study on sexism done where the primary researcher, who considered himself a feminist, discovered that he himself displayed misogynistic behaviors. Rather than discount his study, he gave it an honest look and realized that we aren't always aware of our own prejudices, because they're so ingrained that they're not always conscious behaviors.
I've observed this in my friends and my own behaviors. The people who are the most prejudiced tend to be the people who have given the least thought to their beliefs. "That's just the way it is" and "I call it like I see it." I have had plenty of my own sexist beliefs that, only after growing up and examining them closely, did I realize were patently untrue or instilled in me by our culture and not by any sense of logic or fairness. I thought men should be tough and never cry. I thought women shouldn't be muscular and should be nurturing. If someone had told me "Black people do ___" or "Mexicans are ___" I probably would have just believed it without questioning where that information came from.
I've come a long way in the last few years. Part of that was just growing up and realizing that you really can't put people into neat, little categories. No one is a cliché or stereotype once you get to know them. And part of that was actively seeking out information through blogs, Reddit, or books like Lean In.
That last example was pretty mind-blowing because I'd thought I'd already made so much progress, and then I found myself guilty of several of the misogynistic tendencies Sandberg talks about. Successful women are considered cold, arrogant, and selfish. Men can take credit for their successes, while women are expected to attribute them to teamwork, outside assistance, or luck. I forced myself to rethink my opinions on prominent business women I've known personally and to definitely question other people's perceptions of public figures.
I think I had some misguided notion that at some point I'd have it all figured out and I'd be "done." At some point I'd have successfully reached a point where I didn't have any more subconscious prejudices. But that's silly and here's my latest example.
We've had a dog for 4 years. He's a male. I have given this absolutely no thought for the last 4 years. But we just adopted a female dog. Guess what their nicknames are.
Luke = buddy, bud, bubba. Toast = baby, babes, sweetie. I did not even notice I was doing this until Ryan started calling Toast "buddy" the same way he calls Luke by that pet name. And it felt wrong to me.
I still can't make myself call Toast "buddy." So I started calling them both "baby" or "puppy" because that feels right. And trying to use their names more often, which is better dog training anyway. I realize there are other factors at play, like the fact that Toast is the new dog, and she's younger, and so on. But at one point I found myself using the pet names my mother used for my sisters and me (she called us "baby duck" and I called Toast "baby dog") and it's kind of bizarre that I only did that when I had a "girl" around.
So I'm watching myself, because I'm fairly certain there's some prejudices left in there and I absolutely don't want to pass them on to my children.
I've observed this in my friends and my own behaviors. The people who are the most prejudiced tend to be the people who have given the least thought to their beliefs. "That's just the way it is" and "I call it like I see it." I have had plenty of my own sexist beliefs that, only after growing up and examining them closely, did I realize were patently untrue or instilled in me by our culture and not by any sense of logic or fairness. I thought men should be tough and never cry. I thought women shouldn't be muscular and should be nurturing. If someone had told me "Black people do ___" or "Mexicans are ___" I probably would have just believed it without questioning where that information came from.
I've come a long way in the last few years. Part of that was just growing up and realizing that you really can't put people into neat, little categories. No one is a cliché or stereotype once you get to know them. And part of that was actively seeking out information through blogs, Reddit, or books like Lean In.
That last example was pretty mind-blowing because I'd thought I'd already made so much progress, and then I found myself guilty of several of the misogynistic tendencies Sandberg talks about. Successful women are considered cold, arrogant, and selfish. Men can take credit for their successes, while women are expected to attribute them to teamwork, outside assistance, or luck. I forced myself to rethink my opinions on prominent business women I've known personally and to definitely question other people's perceptions of public figures.
I think I had some misguided notion that at some point I'd have it all figured out and I'd be "done." At some point I'd have successfully reached a point where I didn't have any more subconscious prejudices. But that's silly and here's my latest example.
We've had a dog for 4 years. He's a male. I have given this absolutely no thought for the last 4 years. But we just adopted a female dog. Guess what their nicknames are.
Luke = buddy, bud, bubba. Toast = baby, babes, sweetie. I did not even notice I was doing this until Ryan started calling Toast "buddy" the same way he calls Luke by that pet name. And it felt wrong to me.
I still can't make myself call Toast "buddy." So I started calling them both "baby" or "puppy" because that feels right. And trying to use their names more often, which is better dog training anyway. I realize there are other factors at play, like the fact that Toast is the new dog, and she's younger, and so on. But at one point I found myself using the pet names my mother used for my sisters and me (she called us "baby duck" and I called Toast "baby dog") and it's kind of bizarre that I only did that when I had a "girl" around.
So I'm watching myself, because I'm fairly certain there's some prejudices left in there and I absolutely don't want to pass them on to my children.
What are (or were) some of your subconscious prejudices? How do you make yourself aware of your own inconsistencies?
