Way back in January, I wrote about eloping and what a good idea it is and, I'll admit, I was a little smug with Ryan and myself for choosing to go that route. And it's still true that we saved quite a bit of money, didn't have to spend nearly as much time, effort, or stress on planning as Sister2, and we got to do things exactly the way we wanted without having to consider 100 wedding guest's preferences.
But, now that I've actually done it, I feel there's a little more to the story. As with everything in life, there's ups and downs, but since I've already covered the positives pretty thoroughly (and there were many!), I'll just let you know which things weren't as glowingly wonderful as I imagined.
That's really it though, as far as cons, and if we had to do it all over again, I'd choose what we did.
When I made my list before I talked about it not being stressful, and I think that was true in ways I hadn't even considered. We wanted to do some kind of themed gift for our guests, ran out of time, and just shrugged our shoulders. "Oh well." When we were having issues with cupcakes or tiki torches, we laughed it off, which I feel nearly positive we wouldn't have been able to do if we'd felt the obligation of providing a good experience to 100 people.
And the one other thing I hadn't thought about: it was so incredibly personal. The fact that I wasn't worried about how I'd look up in front of a big group, and we weren't stressing about logistical issues meant that we got to focus 100% on our small group and on each other. I did miss being in the spotlight, but the fact that I wasn't meant that I spent the whole time having fun and thinking about the real meaning of the day. Which, quite honestly, is something that the entire wedding industry seems to obscure more than emphasize.
Our wedding wasn't about seating charts, cake flavors, or color schemes (as much as I absolutely adore themes and colors). And while it may have ruffled some feathers here and there, and made me a little sad that I couldn't have "my special day," I think it forced me to stop thinking about myself and instead think about us. It wasn't "my" day, it was ours, and it was perfect.
I am sorry to the people who would have liked to have been there and weren't. So far no one's been too over-the-top or gone out of their way to make me feel guilty about it, which I appreciate. But I don't think there was a solution that wouldn't have had a downside somewhere, and that was the trade-off that we made.
So I don't have regrets, but I also won't pretend that eloping is a perfect solution and that everyone should do it. It's a very personal decision. But I will agree with what I said at the end of the last post. I'm certainly not anti-wedding; just don't complain to me about it. It was your choice, after all, and you had other options.
P.S. Yes, I do realize that our "elopement" wasn't a real elopement. In most ways it resembled a destination wedding, but the key difference is that we didn't invite people in the hopes that most wouldn't come. We just didn't invite them at all. So I'm sticking with the word "elopement"!!!
But, now that I've actually done it, I feel there's a little more to the story. As with everything in life, there's ups and downs, but since I've already covered the positives pretty thoroughly (and there were many!), I'll just let you know which things weren't as glowingly wonderful as I imagined.
Eloping - the Cons
1. I Couldn't Talk About It
It just seemed rude to gush about something when I was intentionally excluding so many people. So I kept it all hush-hush unless someone directly asked me, and even then I frequently felt weird about being enthusiastic or going into too much detail because I didn't want to emphasize the fun that person would be missing out on. Imagine months of planning and excitement and having to bottle it up that entire time.2. No Spotlight
This one is vain, but I'll confess to it anyway. I missed not being able to be the center of attention for all the bridesmaid dress shopping, wedding dress shopping, walking down the aisle, and so on. I know it's silly and that's not what weddings should be about, but it was something I would have enjoyed (especially with a family and friends who are frequently too busy to respond to emails and texts). Would I have abused my bride power? Probably, so it's most likely a good thing that I didn't have any, but I still occasionally felt wistful.3. Hurt Feelings
In my list of pros I said that feelings were bound to be hurt regardless, but I think it's worse to not be invited at all vs not having it your way. Also we initially weren't going to invite parents (because Ryan's wouldn't be able to come anyway and it seemed more fair to not invite mine either), but then Sister2's wedding was so beautiful and happy that we changed our minds and invited them. But by that point my dad was all weird about it and ended up declining and then it was my feelings that were hurt, so it was all a big mess. The day itself was just fine and I was grateful to have my mom and sisters there, and also to have the ability to spend the entire 2 days with just them and not mingling with a big crowd, but there were some tougher moments in the months beforehand.That's really it though, as far as cons, and if we had to do it all over again, I'd choose what we did.
When I made my list before I talked about it not being stressful, and I think that was true in ways I hadn't even considered. We wanted to do some kind of themed gift for our guests, ran out of time, and just shrugged our shoulders. "Oh well." When we were having issues with cupcakes or tiki torches, we laughed it off, which I feel nearly positive we wouldn't have been able to do if we'd felt the obligation of providing a good experience to 100 people.
And the one other thing I hadn't thought about: it was so incredibly personal. The fact that I wasn't worried about how I'd look up in front of a big group, and we weren't stressing about logistical issues meant that we got to focus 100% on our small group and on each other. I did miss being in the spotlight, but the fact that I wasn't meant that I spent the whole time having fun and thinking about the real meaning of the day. Which, quite honestly, is something that the entire wedding industry seems to obscure more than emphasize.
Our wedding wasn't about seating charts, cake flavors, or color schemes (as much as I absolutely adore themes and colors). And while it may have ruffled some feathers here and there, and made me a little sad that I couldn't have "my special day," I think it forced me to stop thinking about myself and instead think about us. It wasn't "my" day, it was ours, and it was perfect.
I am sorry to the people who would have liked to have been there and weren't. So far no one's been too over-the-top or gone out of their way to make me feel guilty about it, which I appreciate. But I don't think there was a solution that wouldn't have had a downside somewhere, and that was the trade-off that we made.
So I don't have regrets, but I also won't pretend that eloping is a perfect solution and that everyone should do it. It's a very personal decision. But I will agree with what I said at the end of the last post. I'm certainly not anti-wedding; just don't complain to me about it. It was your choice, after all, and you had other options.
Have you eloped/were there any cons I didn't think of? What would be your perfect wedding day - a giant party, small destination wedding, or Vegas elopement?
P.S. Yes, I do realize that our "elopement" wasn't a real elopement. In most ways it resembled a destination wedding, but the key difference is that we didn't invite people in the hopes that most wouldn't come. We just didn't invite them at all. So I'm sticking with the word "elopement"!!!
