Remember the "getting out of the slump plan"? So of my 5 action steps, the only one I really stuck with was saying something nice to Ryan every day, which, frankly, was the most important one. An unexpected side benefit was that my "here's why I love you today" messages inspired Ryan to start sending them back.
I'm kind of kicking myself, because there have been so many days that I was feeling down and I'd ask Ryan to try to cheer me up or "say something nice." And he struggled to come up with something, because he's not great at switching gears like that in the middle of the day. And because he's more of a reactive person. In a lot of ways, our relationship is a mirror, and the more I work on myself and the better I do, the more positivity reflects back at me from him.
So it should have been obvious that the way to get positive messages back was to send them in the first place. But it wasn't, despite the lesson I learned a couple years ago that if you want to make blog friends you have to visit their blogs first. Basically the same lesson I keep relearning ever since childhood: if you want people to be nice to you, you have to be nice to them.
Anyway, tangent aside, that's what's been happening with my daily positive message to Ryan and it's fantastic! It's almost like the couple's version of affirmations and it's an awesome reminder to celebrate the good every day (or at least search for it if it's less apparent that particular day). I'm letting the "word of the day" go, along with the selfies, and picking a self love activity every day. It's too much and I don't mind admitting that not every single one of my ideas is as effective as I'd like it to be.
I have, however, started try to incorporate small elements into my routine to help balance and raise my mood on a daily basis. Other than just striving for a healthier lifestyle, I'm trying to do 3 small things every day:
Prior to this, I've built numerous routines, all beautifully efficient, to maximize exercise and sleep, or bonding time with Ryan, or keeping the dogs active. But they don't work. And that's because it's impossible to focus on everything I want to focus on every day. I cannot fit the amount of work, leisure, health, and interpersonal time I want into every day. So the focus shifts and some days I get enough sleep and pamper myself, and some days I work myself to the max.
But this schedule involves a mere 22 minutes of effort, spread out throughout the day. Even with my (sometimes impressive) lack of discipline, this I know I can do. And I'll continue it until I've gotten a sense of whether it adds something to my day or not, at which point I'll find other things to try.
I know I titled this "positivity project" but I really want this to be a new focus for my life in general. I don't want to coast by anymore, giving brief spurts of attention to my own happiness, and then going back to work mindlessly. I've always been a journey person rather than a destination person and while I adore goals, it's way too easy to spend so much time working toward them that you never stop to enjoy the now.
A goal might be a year of work, then one or five days of celebration, and then a new goal, because I'm never done growing and changing. That's fine, but it also means I can't only focus on those one or five days, because the rest of the year will be time that doesn't actually add to my happiness! And that's the biggest goal for me. To be happy, as much as humanly possible.
This year, the biggest thing standing in the way of my happiness is me. I'm living the life I've wanted for years, I'm happy with the people I've surrounded myself with, and I have a plethora of healthy hobbies and activities to choose from. The things in my way are my own pain, my own flaws, and my own mental obstacles, which I'm finally read to tackle.
With that in mind, my focus word (for the year, or for now, or for however long it makes sense) is healing. I want to overcome those obstacles, heal the pain behind them, and forgive my flaws, even while I continue to work on them. I'm looking at negativity as the weakest, most broken part of myself, and I want to heal that, rather than add to it by denouncing it. I wrote just the other day about not being perfect, and I don't expect that, but I do hope to achieve a greater happiness by creating peace within myself.
I'm kind of kicking myself, because there have been so many days that I was feeling down and I'd ask Ryan to try to cheer me up or "say something nice." And he struggled to come up with something, because he's not great at switching gears like that in the middle of the day. And because he's more of a reactive person. In a lot of ways, our relationship is a mirror, and the more I work on myself and the better I do, the more positivity reflects back at me from him.
So it should have been obvious that the way to get positive messages back was to send them in the first place. But it wasn't, despite the lesson I learned a couple years ago that if you want to make blog friends you have to visit their blogs first. Basically the same lesson I keep relearning ever since childhood: if you want people to be nice to you, you have to be nice to them.
Anyway, tangent aside, that's what's been happening with my daily positive message to Ryan and it's fantastic! It's almost like the couple's version of affirmations and it's an awesome reminder to celebrate the good every day (or at least search for it if it's less apparent that particular day). I'm letting the "word of the day" go, along with the selfies, and picking a self love activity every day. It's too much and I don't mind admitting that not every single one of my ideas is as effective as I'd like it to be.
I have, however, started try to incorporate small elements into my routine to help balance and raise my mood on a daily basis. Other than just striving for a healthier lifestyle, I'm trying to do 3 small things every day:
1. Start the day with a "power pose"
There's a great TED talk on the biological impact of simply holding yourself a different way. It takes 2 minutes and has a proven impact on your hormone levels, so why not, right?2. Take a 15 minute nap in the afternoon
This is harder, but I've read that studies show that a short nap (not long enough to experience a REM cycle) can reduce the negative impacts of sleep deprivation, repairs cognitive functions, AND helps you commit to long-term memory the things you learned that day. This one is harder for me, both because I have to force myself to take a break and because I don't nap well. But I'm trying!3. End the day with tea, stretching, and contemplation
The tea is both calming and a replacement for the sugary things I'm all too apt to take to bed with me. As much as I like to read before bed, it's better for me to stretch and wind down. I want to keep it open for journaling, meditation, or following the May Cause Miracles workbook so "contemplation" seemed like a nice catch-all term for it. I've struggled with this one a bit, as well, both because I sometimes get stressed out with the dogs in the room (Toast has a habit of growling whenever she hears a noise and it always startles me and makes my heart pound), and because when I'm tired and burned out my impulse is either to drop into bed or to "treat myself" with books and bad food. However, if I make that cup of tea and tell myself I only have to do this until the cup is consumed, it makes it easier to get started, which is 90% of the battle.Prior to this, I've built numerous routines, all beautifully efficient, to maximize exercise and sleep, or bonding time with Ryan, or keeping the dogs active. But they don't work. And that's because it's impossible to focus on everything I want to focus on every day. I cannot fit the amount of work, leisure, health, and interpersonal time I want into every day. So the focus shifts and some days I get enough sleep and pamper myself, and some days I work myself to the max.
But this schedule involves a mere 22 minutes of effort, spread out throughout the day. Even with my (sometimes impressive) lack of discipline, this I know I can do. And I'll continue it until I've gotten a sense of whether it adds something to my day or not, at which point I'll find other things to try.
I know I titled this "positivity project" but I really want this to be a new focus for my life in general. I don't want to coast by anymore, giving brief spurts of attention to my own happiness, and then going back to work mindlessly. I've always been a journey person rather than a destination person and while I adore goals, it's way too easy to spend so much time working toward them that you never stop to enjoy the now.
A goal might be a year of work, then one or five days of celebration, and then a new goal, because I'm never done growing and changing. That's fine, but it also means I can't only focus on those one or five days, because the rest of the year will be time that doesn't actually add to my happiness! And that's the biggest goal for me. To be happy, as much as humanly possible.
This year, the biggest thing standing in the way of my happiness is me. I'm living the life I've wanted for years, I'm happy with the people I've surrounded myself with, and I have a plethora of healthy hobbies and activities to choose from. The things in my way are my own pain, my own flaws, and my own mental obstacles, which I'm finally read to tackle.
With that in mind, my focus word (for the year, or for now, or for however long it makes sense) is healing. I want to overcome those obstacles, heal the pain behind them, and forgive my flaws, even while I continue to work on them. I'm looking at negativity as the weakest, most broken part of myself, and I want to heal that, rather than add to it by denouncing it. I wrote just the other day about not being perfect, and I don't expect that, but I do hope to achieve a greater happiness by creating peace within myself.
Do you use focus words (and if so, what's yours)? What are the parts of your routine that boost your day the most?
